10 Signs You’re A Fulltime Writer

10. Running out of ink
in your pen or batteries in your cordless keyboard makes you happy. It shows
progress. 
9. You tend to talk to
yourself. No I don’t. Yes
you do. Like all the time. Says who? You do and so just shut it. Listen, big
hair, get a life. 
Don’t
tell me what to do. I’m your inner voice and I follow you
everywhere. 
I swear I’m
gonna mute you. You can’t ‘cause I’ll forever italicize your life . .
8. You have absolutely
no idea when your check is coming.
7. You have lots and
lots of friends. Unfortunately, they’re all characters in your stories. They
follow you everywhere even when you tell them to stay back at the office.
6. A strange
undecipherable thing shows up every six months in your mailbox. It’s called a
royalty report.
5. You’ll never worry
about wearing the same thing two days in a row. ‘Cause you know—the four walls
just don’t care.
4. Adult conversation
suddenly seems riveting. You find yourself refusing to leave the checkout line
at a Trader Joe’s because you’re actually talking to another adult. And this
one actually happens to be a male. It’s absolutely unreal. (Maybe that’s a sign
you’re a fulltime writer with three young daughters at home . . . )
3. Everybody you know
has a book idea. But none of them actually want to write it. I mean, come on—who seriously has anytime to
write these days? That just takes so much time and effort . . .
2. Sometimes you let
yourself go to get into character. And sometimes that means trying to grow long
hair and a big beard. Sometimes your wife stops looking at you and begins to
make promises about taking the children and leaving if you don’t shave.
Sometimes you finally have to get the razor out and shave before you’re left on
the curb. This is all completely hypothetical, of course.
1. Every now and then,
your fingers work magic onto the screen. They keep going and going and going
and then when they’re done you stop and read what you just wrote. Then you
smile and go Man I’m good. Doesn’t
happen often but can on any given day. ‘Cause that’s what you do. You write. Every
day of the week. And you’re fortunate to do so. 

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